Jack Ohman

Why is being an Islamic State GF some 15-year-old’s dream?

News that a Scottish woman is recruiting girls as young as 15 to travel to Syria and become Islamic State wives is troubling, to say the least.

Talk about “Mean Girls.”

When I was in junior high school, I felt that many of the girls I knew would make excellent terrorists, what with their ability to focus in on my weakest spots – my body, my face, my personality. However, I never thought that they would ever turn pro.

Peer pressure and fitting in are insidious at that age. If you don’t fit in, all sorts of unpleasant things can happen, particularly in Minnesota. I know girls who turned to a life of ice fishing, for example.

Of course, we didn’t have the Internet in 1975. We had folded notes, telephones with 25-foot extension cords and, of course, whispering campaigns. Anyone who’s ever been on the business end of one of those knows that they would gladly take a week in a jihadist training camp before going through that again.

Why would a 15-year-old girl want to join the Islamic State, anyway? I can understand maybe not wanting to live in the suburbs, or not wanting to conform, or wanting a garish tattoo. But the Islamic State? Doesn’t anyone ever run away and join the circus, the Navy, a commune or, God forbid, move to Nevada?

Fifteen is a weird age. You’re just kind of drifting along until then, hanging around your parents and siblings, going to school, and then a lot of kids wake up one day and decide they aren’t a kid anymore.

Many of my friends realized what they really wanted to do at age 15. I recall one friend who decided he wanted to work at the United Nations. He now works for the World Bank in international health care development.

Another guy decided he wanted to be a newspaper reporter. He became a managing editor of a major newspaper. Another guy was going to be a photographer. He did. Yet another was a charming entrepreneurial type, and he ultimately wound up making millions and was dating supermodel Cheryl Tiegs.

Not many of my friends would have predicted the Cheryl Tiegs part. Myself, I was more of a Farrah aficionado. But I guess she wasn’t available. I did date her poster, though.

I have to say that among the girls of Johanna Junior High School, no one ever struck me as a terrorist recruiter, although some did go deer hunting. Without scopes.

I wonder what the three girls who disappeared from London last week think being an Islamic State GF is really like? From everything I’ve seen about the Islamic State, it seems like arguments can get out of hand really fast; there isn’t a lot of time for texting, going to the mall or otherwise doing the 15-year-old girl thing.

Maybe being an Islamic State Girl might be some sort of possible new reality show, like “Jersey Shore.”

“Tonight on ‘ISISTERS,’ the girls make snarky comments about Secretary John Kerry’s plastic surgery.”

Some might say that Snooki is an excellent terrorist name, if not an actual threat to the United States and our way of life. And don’t get me started on the name JWoww, which is a code name for something nefarious, if I ever heard it.

In fact, if Homeland Security is open past Friday, I am going to report them all.

So if you have a 15-year-old girl in your life, and I had a daughter that age once, I can tell you that you should be careful. If they exhibit an unusual interest in Kalashnikovs, you should probably ground them and show them “Jersey Shore” reruns.

It’s the maximum punishment this society allows.

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