Why the holiday season comes with even more challenges for people with eating disorders

The holiday season often marks a time of change: leaves falling, sunny skies fading into rainy days and glimpses of a new year approaching. And the changes don’t stop there.

It’s widely considered acceptable to gain weight during the holidays and then, come Jan. 2, lose the holiday weight we’ve put on. We give ourselves a grace period: It’s that “one last piece of pie and I’ll start tomorrow” season. We receive messages perpetuating an expectation of weight gain followed by weight loss from the media as well as from family members, friends and others we may be spending time with during the holidays.

In this and other ways, gathering with family during the holidays can be particularly difficult for those with eating disorders. I’m well aware of this as an associate marriage and family therapist as well as someone who has recovered from an eating disorder that began when I lived with my family during adolescence.

Holidays for people with eating disorders can be difficult in a multitude of ways, for different reasons and from every direction.

Families operate like machines in which every member is a part. If one part operates a little differently, everything can be thrown off.

Eating disorders also operate within the family system. On a holiday, for example, parents and other relatives are typically home instead of at work, regular routines are disrupted, and family members with an eating disorder might feel pressure to eat in a way that doesn’t work for them. That can trigger all kinds of problems.

Holiday celebrations tend to involve food, and eating disorders invariably have something to do with food being eaten, not eaten or gotten rid of in some way. So attending family gatherings or other holiday events surrounded and consumed (pun intended) by food can be especially challenging for someone with an eating disorder.

Meanwhile, the families of people with eating disorders may be indirectly affected too. Families commonly suffer alongside loved ones who are struggling with an eating disorder. Families in these situations often feel fearful, helpless and sad.

As a therapist who sees families as well as individuals, I recognize the family as a precious resource and one that I help my family clients embrace. When families are feeling heavy emotions, a family member with an eating disorder may also be feeling heavy with the same emotions. I see that as an opportunity to connect as a family, recognizing that, underneath it all, we all feel the same things.

Let’s connect this holiday season using what we have in common. If you’re suffering, may you find the courage within or without to to connect with someone you trust and tell them how they can support you. And if you love someone who is struggling or recovering, I encourage you to reach out and remind them that you’ve got their back and believe in them. If you love someone suffering from an eating disorder, turn to them with compassion this holiday season and beyond.