It must be mid-August. I just walked past three aisles of Halloween candy and Christmas decorations to get to the back-to-school supplies. I appreciate the commercialism of the holidays. It makes us prepare for upcoming festivities. If you haven’t prepared in a timely manner for your upcoming fantasy football draft, here is some last-minute advice to decorate your draft board.

The draft is a gala event

It is a celebration of the new NFL season, so treat it like one. Acknowledge last year’s champion with an awards ceremony. Give them an engraved trophy. Print up T-shirts with their team logo. Announce new team names. Vote on league rule changes. Present last season’s worst team with “The Hammer Award,” an actual hammer nailed to a piece of wood. Celebrate good times, come on!

Wear appropriate attire

I’m not talking a jacket and tie. This is an NFL fantasy draft, so wear NFL gear. If you have a Josh Allen jersey, wear it. If you have a Steelers hardhat, wear it. If you’re coming to the draft straight from work, grab your Panthers cap and wear it.

Name that league

It’s sad when fantasy players refer to their leagues as “my ESPN league,” or “my Yahoo league.” That does not breed camaraderie. Leagues should have a name. A league of morticians? Call it the SCL (Stiff Competition League). A league of Realtors? Call it the LLLL, (Location, Location, Location League). A league of college friends? How about the LGPA (Low Grade Point Average). Have fun with it. Some great league names I’ve come across include: 12 Angry Men, The Justice League, and It’s Just a Fantasy It’s Not the Real Thing. My favorite league is called the OFFL, short for Our Frivolous Football League. The OFFL has been going strong since 1985.

Fuel up

Expert drafting requires healthy brain function. How you fuel that brain is up to you. My son Billy brings a whole Jersey Mikes #6 (roast beef and provolone) to his draft, washed down with a bottle of ice-cold root beer. He is a cognitive wizard after a meal like that, drafting a playoff team two years in a row.

Ditch the magazines

How many of your fellow owners show up to the draft having just grabbed their favorite fantasy mag from the supermarket? These rags were written in early April to meet a June distribution deadline and are chock full of old news. One such tabloid, which shall remain nameless (it rhymes with moto-swirled), has Dalvin Cook as RB 13. Of course, they did not know he’d sign with the Jets. There’s no way Cook finishes that high splitting time with Breece Hall. Another publication (rhymes with grant-asy Windex) has Josh Jacobs as a top five RB but mentions nothing of his current contentious holdout in Las Vegas. The day of the draft, go to a trusted fantasy website and download the appropriate cheat sheets.

Don’t abide the byes

Some fantasy experts will tell you to draft a team taking their bye weeks into consideration. The thought is you don’t want four or five of your best players on a bye at the same time. I advise just the opposite: I will gladly concede a lower chance of winning for one game if it means my team will be at full strength for the other 13 to 14 games. This season, if your squad has Josh Allen, Saquon Barkley, Justin Jefferson and Darren Waller on a bye in week 13, you’ll be dominating in every other game.

The write stuff

What did the forgetful skydiver say when he jumped out of the plane? “Aw, chute!” Don’t be that guy. Remember to bring a pen. On second thought, bring TWO pens.

Basements are best

I’ve been to drafts in loud bars, which gets expensive and distracting. I’ve been to drafts in backyards, swatting away gnats and mosquitoes. I’ve been to drafts on decks where the lighting is so poor, I used my phone flashlight to see my cheat sheets. Give me a damp, well-lit basement, a TV tray table and a big draft board duct-taped to cement block next to a glossy white refrigerator from 1956. Now that’s what I call a fantasy football draft.

Two-minute drill

Your draft should be lively, not a cure for insomnia. Some leagues allow five minutes per draft pick. At that rate, a 12-team league would pick for 15 hours. Make your draft short and sweet. Everyone has had six months to decide who they want to draft. Two minutes is plenty of time.

Avoid technical difficulties

For better or worse, leagues are no longer a group of local friends from work or the neighborhood. My leagues have owners from New Jersey to Maryland to Chicago. Whether you use Zoom, Google Meet or live drafting on your league website, all require a computer connection. Make sure yours is set and ready. Nobody likes waiting for Herschel from LA trying to get his Wi-Fi going after the draft started.

Do not use PayPal or Venmo to pay league dues

This is not an urban myth! Matthew Berry even tweeted this out last year. Using PayPal or Venmo for Fantasy leagues is against their company terms of service. They can freeze your account and sometimes take your funds if you get caught. Cash is king.

Cure for the quarantined

COVID is still a menace. No one knows how it will come back this fall. Adding two roster spots or allowing COVID infected players to be placed on IR until healthy will curtail lineup shortages on gameday.

Don’t bring your new baby to the draft

My twin brother Clark brought his infant son to a draft years ago. The kid shrieked non-stop for 16 rounds. Clark had a baby bottle in one hand and a beer bottle in the other. The distracted, annoyed league owners suffered through what should have been the best four hours of the NFL season. I’m pretty sure Clark won the league that year. Devious, right?

Double down on dynamic duos

Start your draft by taking two wide receivers. Last season in one of my leagues, the Studbears drafted Cooper Kupp and Tyreek Hill back-to-back. Combined they averaged 52 points per game until Kupp got injured. That is a spectacular start for any team. This year I can see a productive combo of Davante Adams/CeeDee Lamb or Cooper Kupp/Amon-Ra St. Brown, depending on where you are drafting. These WR combos will be a set-it and forget-it luxury you’ll appreciate every week.

Rain on the roof

You would think that kickers who play in a dome would have a considerable advantage over their outdoor counterparts. But I can find no evidence to support this claim. In 2021, Daniel Carlson led all NFL kickers in points scored in the comfy confines of the domed Allegiant Stadium, but Northeasterners Nick Folk (New England), Justin Tucker (Baltimore) Tyler Bass (Buffalo) and Chris Boswell (Pittsburgh) all kicked outside and finished within 15 points of Carlson’s 150. That’s less than a one point per game difference. The same held true in 2020 as Tucker and Bass were within 14 points of the league leading Carlson. I won’t recommend starting a kicker in a hurricane or snowstorm, but don’t be afraid to choose an open-air booter. There’s nothing like the great outdoors.

Know the injured players

Before you draft, make sure you check the long laundry list of injured/suspended/holdout players. Joe Burrow (calf), Cooper Kupp (hamstring), George Kittle (abductor), Kadarious Toney (knee) and J.K. Dobbins (ACL) are all questionable for Week One. Alvin Kamara (three-game suspension) and Jameson Williams (six-game suspension) should be drafted with caution. Josh Jacobs wants a new contract and the woefully underpaid Jonathan Taylor (37th for NFL RBs despite being the 2021 NFL rushing leader) has demanded a trade.

The Chosen one

As a public service announcement, former New York Jet wideout Robby Anderson changed his name in 2022 to Robbie Anderson when he was with the Arizona Cardinals. The change was a shift back to his preferred spelling while he was growing up. He then made another name switch, going with Robbie Chosen in 2023. The latest iteration now that he’s with the Miami Dolphins is Chosen Anderson. Whatever name he goes by, just make sure he’s not “chosen” for your Fantasy squad until very late in your draft. Personally, I would choose not to.

Nothing to see here

There was a full slate of preseason action last week, and some rather obscure players did well. Tyrell Shavers had a 22-yard TD catch for Buffalo. Sincere McCormick’s had two TDs for the Raiders. And how about the Chargers’ Elijah Dotson’s 40-yard TD run? While I’m very happy for these NFL mystery men, let’s remember they are at the bottom of their respective team depth charts and did their damage in the fourth quarter of the first preseason game. Temper your excitement. These gents are not “fantasy steals.” They are more likely practice squad stashes.

A sucker is born every minute

When a fellow owner asks your opinion at the draft, do what I do; LIE TO THEIR FACE. “What do I think of Joe Burrow in the next round? Are you crazy? I would be all over Peyton Manning with your next pick. I know he’s retired, but I just read on this new hot fantasy blog that Manning is signing with Seattle for his big comeback. Then in the next round, be sure to grab Geno Smith. He will be Manning’s backup.”

Hooked on Stefonics

You did 1,000 mock drafts during the Summer. Every time, Stefon Diggs was available in the second round. But on draft day, another owner snags him just before you pick. Don’t panic. Don’t throw your cheat sheets across the room. Move on to your next choice. Plus, you should have known better: The owner who took Diggs calls his team “Stefon the Gas.”

Rules are not meant to be broken

No adjustments to any league rules should be allowed after the draft starts. You can’t make stuff up as you go along. If issues arise, table them for next year.

NEXT WEEK: Bold Predictions

Bill Reinhard is a member of the Fantasy Sports Writers Association.

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