What does the future hold for Trump vs. California? We predict a long, strange year
The feud between California and President Trump is about to get very strange – or so says our resident psychic:
May 24: Immigration agents raid Disneyland’s “It’s A Small World” ride and deport dozens of “undocumented” animatronic characters.
June 13: Californians grow suspicious when President Trump negotiates a nuclear disarmament treaty with North Korea’s Kim Jong Un that includes an exception for “missiles aimed at California.” The State Department insists the clause was an inadvertent oversight.
July 4: Expanding his trade war targets, Trump imposes “a million percent tariff” on imported avocados, causing chaos as a severe guacamole shortage grips the Golden State.
Aug. 11: California Attorney General Xavier Becerra brushes off criticism that he’s ignoring state issues and files his 295th lawsuit against the Trump Administration, this time to block “the next thing the president does, whatever it is.”
Aug. 24: In a short-lived victory for state officials, the EPA finally acknowledges that carbon emissions harm California’s air quality. Moments later, the agency bans Golden State residents from emitting carbon dioxide while breathing.
Sept. 6: As the NFL season kicks off, California enacts a sports betting law that allows wagers on how many players will kneel during the National Anthem. It also designates “Trump watching” as a sport, opening the door to bets on number of tweets, length of tenure for cabinet members and how many days till impeachment.
Sept. 19: After changing the name of Arizona’s Grand Canyon to the Great Canyon, the National Park Service renames all of California’s national parks after the president, except Death Valley, which is rechristened Jerry Brown Valley.
Oct. 5: On the heels of obtaining freedom for three American prisoners held in North Korea, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo travels to Sacramento and negotiates the release of California’s last three Republicans.
Oct. 22: In what appears to be an olive branch, Trump promises a huge tax cut to California’s movie industry. However, Rudy Giuliani later reveals that the rollback applies only to adult film companies in the San Fernando Valley and only in exchange for not discussing any affairs that the president may have had with their actresses.
Nov. 6: Although not on the ballot, former FBI director James Comey cruises to victory in the governor’s race as millions of Democratic voters spontaneously write in his name. Rosie O’Donnell is elected to the Senate.
Nov. 13: Trump’s affinity for all things gilded leads him to strip California of its “Golden State” nickname. In its place, he offers the choice of “the Sad State” or “the Wacko State.”
Dec. 2: After Texas declares itself a sanctuary state for people who block minorities from voting, the Justice Department rethinks its opposition to sanctuary laws.
Dec. 25: Trump calls off his trade war with China after the Asian nation agrees to annex all of the California real estate it doesn’t already own.
Roy Rivenburg is a Southern California writer. He can be reached at roy@royrivenburg.com.
This story was originally published May 16, 2018 at 12:00 PM with the headline "What does the future hold for Trump vs. California? We predict a long, strange year."